Day 2

I wake up way too early, with under two hours of sleep. Awoken by the sound of my phone - a message alert. I pick it up, sees that's its an airbnb inquiry, then instinctively scanned the screen if she messaged or posted something on fb, who was online in telegram and are they online at the same time.

They were, about a minute apart.

I desperately try to go back to sleep. A few hours later I find myself woefully unsuccessful with a punch to my cement wall to boot.

I'm obsessing to find out if there's something going on with these two. I have more than enough reasons to believe that my relationship failed so swiftly is because of this. The internal argument in my head is that what does it matter to me now anyway? She didn't, couldn't wait to break up with me. She was so focused on the imperfections of our relationship.

Did this guy nourish the seeds of fear in doubt in her head? Why did it grow so fast as if it was the most fertile ground on earth? Doesn't she remember that she barely knows this guy? That any new interested guy will try to impress her, damned her relationship status? Were the imperfections so vile to throw whatever we had like piece of shit trash.

Why is she like that? Isn't this what she was hoping not to do to any of her relationships ever again? I remember she asking help on this and my solution - to show her how loyalty can be blissfully rewarding.

With regard to a girl's need for a sense of security, haven't I lavished her with assurances, in my actions and words.

It just sucks to be here...


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