Showing posts from November, 2015

Raw, no edit

So here it is.

"It's just dinner, going to valk eat lang and its starts early around 630 till 1030. I'll be home by then" ... "On our way back to maga na" (1030ish)... "Will smoke up a bit"... "Goodnight wutsy....(1230++)"

It wasn't at valk. It never was just dinner, we both know that. In my head it goes: "Oh, puff lang naman, BTW, you're not answering or messaging back anyway so, I'll smoke up narin since you're overreacting nanaman eh, stressing me out..."

I'm not your mom. I'm not your boyfriend either. So to be completely transparent, I've read your FB messenger, when your laptop broke and I had to fix it. Did I want to see what was inside that (guy-girl) thread of convo? For better or worse - YES.

A little history - my ex's now ex again - ts on my ex's best friend goes to one time "Ang tanga ng boyfriend mo. Kung ako yun di kita pakakawalan. Sobrang Ok ka kaya..." They met …


I was happy. Never imagined I could be happy that way again. I felt loved and was able to love without holding back. That is, before I got spooked with what I was able to read in her FB messenger.

Flirting. Playful banter with a guy I haven't met. She assured me and still continued to do so but I've already consumed and digested what I've seen in that messenger thread. She tells me, "don't worry Ok... nothing has happened" (yet).... And my mind tells me so pag nag kiss na sila, dun palang may problema. Nice. Ulul. She doesn't know yet that I've read through it when I was able to fix dead laptop.

It has happened before. The ending of that previous story is that my gf at the time apologetically admitted later on that she sucked her ex's cock while we were together. We were not really having big problems at the time, simply frustrations here and there. Cock sucking. Fuck that.

So how can I, in my fucked up over analytical mindset NOT be reacting thi…

Its not like I'm your boyfriend

A step higher than friend zone. Its called dating. Its a relationship stripped of all the drama, possessiveness, jealousy and the negative stuff associated with bf gf relationships.

Dating allows for intimacy. It allows for everything good in a relationship. But as with all things, there's always that catch, isn't it?

Took a while for it to take hold of me. We've been dating for about 8 months now. The feeling of "nawawalan ng gana". What is it in English? The loss of interest? Lack of motivation? I'm contemplating on simply walking away.

Is it because I'm throwing in the towel? I'm simply giving up? But don't I love her well enough to fight for whatever we have together, informal or not?

I'm already assuming that you, my random reader, knows that it wasn't because I don't love this person. I do. I terribly do. I know I'll do nearly whatever it takes to keep this person. But unlike Christ's gift of unconditional love, I can o…