A death wish
So I ponder, as to why I think I'm so uniquely different from the souls I connect to. Even my best friend knows I go far deeper than others would. I'll be candid, melancholy is so familiar to me now that it leaves no words to eloquently describe it. "I hope you find someone who loves you as you are" - a quote from a recent ex. I get what she meant by that. I seem to be quite the difficult lover. So I think of another lover I have difficulty with. Christ. Jesus Christ. A man who loves me so yet I push him away as as much as I would want to understand his he loves me and us deeply, my hopeless loss of enlightenment of it makes me drift apart from Him. Whenever I feel downtrodden and lost, I run to Him, as any wounded lover would. All I seemed to get is some shady "I've got good plans for you mysticism". The amazing testimonials of people finding refuge, peace and purpose in Him I get jealous of. I temper this jealousy with maybe I'm really just t