I'm writing again

Signs of life. Life I'm tbh not grateful for. But I am. Hollow but alive.

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B&S

S - thanks for meeting up B - .... S - the last time was messy, and we both said our piece about it B - .... S - so how have you been? B - .... Busy, stressed.... What's this for ba? Actually I don't wanna talk to you anymore S___,  parang I don't even know you anymore. S - how you been these past few months ba? Happier? Better? Well, congratulations to your awards but, are you really where you wanna be? Are you happy? B - ano bang paki mo, wala na tayo S___. At this point nakakagulo ka lang sa buhay ko instead of helping. S - before all this, sino ba yung nanggulo? Was it me? You? Pause - S - just talked to my friend D___ recently, 3 months na sila break ng office thing nya. He wanted to throw away his family for that girl pero in the end, wala lang yun sa girl na yun yung kanila. So going back, he was so convinced about this girl but look where he is now. Unhappy and lost. S - told him what if his wife found out? Then he's super fucked. Right? He
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My kinked neck

No sexual innuendo with the word kinked, just to be clear. Base of my neck - right side - is hella tight. Had 3 consecutive days of drinking, latter 2 had smokes with it. I'm sober as I write this, but hours prior I was wired with my brain drug. Ritalin. My kind needs it daily to become a normies. Neurotypical. I'm totally in - to becoming one. My right knee has a kink as well. It's at the 9 o clock area if I'm facing you, dear reader. Yeah this is an old-age gripe entry at the very least. While I write this, I'm watching Netflix's supremely white-woman series Gypsy, I'm annoyed with the shallowness of the lead character's struggles. Despite her job as a therapist, she's so fvckn boxed in "that she's got her shit together" while the writers unravel her for N-series sake, episode to episode. I thought there was gonna be hot girl on girl action in there. Wala. And that's fine. And I wanna sleep already, need to be ready to
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Monarch

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I didn't cry today. It isn't an achievement. In fact, I'm bothered with the idea that I didn't. I fear that my memory of you fades when I don't. I think of you alot though, but the intensity of what we all lost... I don't want it to simply fade away. When I think about it, it's not the theoretical convos that I miss, nor the possible family trips that we'll have in the future that I'm sure we would've had. It's that word again - nangungulila. I miss having you around. I miss your infectious laughter, your larger-than-life kwentos, your gigil hits with baba and kikster and your dedication to your two giant boys, Jaims and Arch. Oh, I had my second dose today. Got sermoned thrice for misplacing my vaccinate card. Not entirely my fault ha, it's been a hectic past couple of days, you know that. And our first batch of SP orders are complete na. I was happy I'm in a good mood because of your encouragement. I'm happy we say a but
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