Raw, no edit

So here it is.

"It's just dinner, going to valk eat lang and its starts early around 630 till 1030. I'll be home by then" ... "On our way back to maga na" (1030ish)... "Will smoke up a bit"... "Goodnight wutsy....(1230++)"

It wasn't at valk. It never was just dinner, we both know that. In my head it goes: "Oh, puff lang naman, BTW, you're not answering or messaging back anyway so, I'll smoke up narin since you're overreacting nanaman eh, stressing me out..."

I'm not your mom. I'm not your boyfriend either. So to be completely transparent, I've read your FB messenger, when your laptop broke and I had to fix it. Did I want to see what was inside that (guy-girl) thread of convo? For better or worse - YES.

A little history - my ex's now ex again - ts on my ex's best friend goes to one time "Ang tanga ng boyfriend mo. Kung ako yun di kita pakakawalan. Sobrang Ok ka kaya..." They met up at the mall one time to look at sneakers, another time to catch up, and have a few drinks. They kissed. Much to my ex bestfriend's surprise. The asshole then goes "... Di naman kailangan malaman ni boyfriend to..." Part of this assholes core barkada. Wow bestfriend, surprise talaga?

You tell me you're not like my ex. You tell me I'm the most wonderful guy you've ever met. You've seen that asshole ex of my ex in Facebook I'm sure you've asked the same question as to why and how it happens. "Hito" they call him. Milkfish. An ugly douche.

I can only take so much cutes. I hate the feeling of being told "I'm really sorry, I dint mean to...". Manhid ba ako? Praning? Tanga? I loved, fought hard and dreamed of getting married for 5 fucking years. I not perfect and I make mistakes too. Lots of them. The one thing I'm careful about is that I fucking don't play around when It comes to something as delicate as we. I've never made you feel uncomfortable about any other girl have I? I make you feel secure and I'll do whatever it takes just to erase any doubt in you're mind that there is none other but you. I assure and avoid the possibilities of anyone making me feel romantic in any way because I would hate to think that you're feeling that I would do that to you. Knowing how devastating it could feel.

I can ignore what I fear I feel about this situation. I have my imperfections and I securities as any person would. I could just choose to love less so I won't hurt as much. In a picture at Prive you told me, "haha grabe yung hawak mo sakin, grabe ka naman magmahal..." So, Mali ba? And I guess, baka nga.

I'm gonna miss you cutes. I'm gonna hurt so bad after this. I was willing to risk it all with you. New York with you with everything, my world as it is. All of it. But now, how can I? I can only do so much Fight for you so much. I want us to last forever but as early as now, how can it? Siguro naman I should be old enough to know that there is no scenario in the future that in the ends up with us happily ever after.


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