Its not like I'm your boyfriend

A step higher than friend zone. Its called dating. Its a relationship stripped of all the drama, possessiveness, jealousy and the negative stuff associated with bf gf relationships.

Dating allows for intimacy. It allows for everything good in a relationship. But as with all things, there's always that catch, isn't it?

Took a while for it to take hold of me. We've been dating for about 8 months now. The feeling of "nawawalan ng gana". What is it in English? The loss of interest? Lack of motivation? I'm contemplating on simply walking away.

Is it because I'm throwing in the towel? I'm simply giving up? But don't I love her well enough to fight for whatever we have together, informal or not?

I'm already assuming that you, my random reader, knows that it wasn't because I don't love this person. I do. I terribly do. I know I'll do nearly whatever it takes to keep this person. But unlike Christ's gift of unconditional love, I can only take so much.

You see, this dating thing is quite alien to me. Not that I've never dated but I've never "just" dated anyone this long before. Is it something that has happened over the years that I'm not aware of or simply I just never did.

The situation now is a dead ringer for a bf gf relationship. A very sophisticated clone of it. I guess it's similar to renting a beautiful home. You get to keep something that's familiar, something you take pride in, something that you care for, something you own. But not quite. The analogy works, give or take. I guess it helps me detach from the intense feels in trying to understand my situation and how to go about it.

To continue with the analogy, and to tell the story : my "landlord" isn't as warm or maybe entertaining the idea of having a new tenant in this home. (Home being the relationship I guess) As it's resident, and the fact I love this place so much, I'm not welcome to the idea of being replaced. Not welcome to the idea of having someone else in this home alongside in my stay. (get-my-drift?) I'm starting to feel that I'm not as welcome in this home anymore. I'm not getting kicked out per-se but.... Yun. You could try to imagine what that feels like.

As a landlord in real life, let's say that if I would want a tenant out of my property, its because I've got issues with my tenant. Could be that they're late with rent. Or they don't keep the property in good condition. I didn't say great condition as to expect that would be kups of me to do. Over expectation. So I think to myself, "am I doing this to my landlord?" I'd like to think that I'm not a perfect tenant but I take good care of the place as if it was mine.

I did want to buy into the place mind you. She didn't want to sell. Previous owner trashed the place. So, I just get to rent it muna but she was kind of willing to sell it to me. Maybe at first. The place is so inviting that a lot of guys are making offers to this property.

And do I feel like shit right now. I don't like false hope like with any network marketing newbie would. It seems to me now that I should have just not moved into this place. But why wouldn't I? I loved it. The terms were agreeable. I made improvements to it along the way. I wanted to keep it. I don't want to leave.

Do I look for a "right to tenancy" and stay as long as I could? So squatter ba ako? (Sa squatter na nakabasa into no offense Pero tangina nyo). Do I reason with my landlord and tell her, I want to stay in this place, how can I do so? My pride tells me, ano ka? Nagmamakaawa? (Begging). I just now realize that even if my tenants have their annoying moments, if they reasonably ask for leniency, I can be compliant and is happy having them stay at my place in the long term. A compromise is met. So it isn't always so negavibes. And if I have a great tenant that chooses to leave, I can't force them to stay either. As a landlord I feel sad when they do.

End of analogy.

I could continue on with the analogy of course, like it seems that the landlord still gets the better end of the deal. That if a greedy landlord wants they can demand for a higher rent then they're entitled to do so. If the tenant leaves, there's always new tenants to find.

I'm the tenant in that analogy. I don't find these recent changes comforting. I'm feeling cheated with these new developments of entertaining other offers despite a relatively healthy relationship. I may not be ready to leave yet but I am readying to do so. Walking away seems to be the best option to take. FML.


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