I miss my simple, silly old life. I need a reboot. I've been chasing after goals and expectations that's wearing me down right about now. Not that these changes are bad per se, its just that I barely remember why i'm going through this transformation in the first place.

It started with a girl, as with most overhauls. Pero ang tagal narin nun. I've moved on for sure. I don't want a rerun of that experience hence the upgrades and the whatnot's.

So what has changed since then? Now i'm fully committed financially to rebuilding an iconic japanese vintage sports car. I've finally cracked the dry spell of non-tvc-ing. Thanks also in part to new friends. It did help that i maintain a certain weight that registers better through the lens. In losing weight, visually and physically I've never felt this confident in a very long time. Aside from the self imposed pressure im experiencing now, i'd say its positive growth for me. I'm starting to fit the mold that society has placed on my archetype.

The cons of this growth is the hemorrhage of money I spend for the work that restoration demands. It's so goddamn costly that I've burned through my budget barely two months into the build. The finished product will be grand for sure, but the question remains, what's the point in this? Since i'm so much older now, it also takes more everything to maintain my current physique. Roughly about 7 years ago I was still 5 pounds lighter than now without working out. Bajesus!

The finish line for these goals is so far ahead that I'm just grunting away, going through the motions of just doing whatever I'm doing for the sake of it. Self realization: I'm an instant gratification type of person. I just want to see the glorious finality to all of this. I want them realized now. I have to remind myself that as I go through these struggles, I'm making positive changes permanent. I hope i'm not forgetful enough that I prematurely walk away because i got burned out and I don't remember why I'm in this now anyway.

So, no. No to reboot. Rest after this is acceptable. But no pigging out on food for the rest of my frigging life.

The end.


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