Chance

And we cross paths again.

Not entirely by accident, but not without the element of chance. I had hoped to see you. I hoped that you'd be where I knew you might go to...

As you weave through the crowd upon your arrival, on hopes confirmed: cheesy as hell, my heart was a-flutter!

I discreetly tell my friends that you've come. Predictably, I was panicked. All I could that time was measly "Hi". I hurriedly kissed your cheek. Cheek on cheek only. It happened so fast. Half a second later, I waved you the "see you around and about" salute. After that, like a ninja, I vanished! I blurred and blended with the visual noise of people and installations of that evening's occasion.

I glance at my friend, she wore an amused but with a virtual facepalm expression on her face. I wasn't sure if she saw how pathetic my opening move was! I was cringing at my wimpyness! My other friends gave me this disapproving glare that says: you and I don't fit. Aka - I'm not worthy of you.

I scrambled to ingest more alcohol. My nerves were not calm at all! I grabbed yet another can of beer. And a few pieces of chicharon. It's wasn't cutting it, I was full blown torpe nervous!

I couldn't recover. My shoulders were wound tight as a boa. My movements: like C3PO on crack. I couldn't fix my gaze upon you. I am pushover with nothing better to say than a weak and measly "Hi".

My chances of getting to know you more that night faded like crisp, dry leaves blown away by the wind. The clock ticked ever persistently... I tried to salvage whatever self worth that had remained...

"How can allow this to continue?!" Solo pep talk mode. "There is a solution to this situation!"...

Armed with a few more swigs of beer, and a bit more chicharon, I approached a second time. In desperation, an invitation of sorts was my best line. Your reply to this was: "yeah, I'll tell my friends about it".

Ack!!!! I knew immediately that I needed an ice pick to stab myself many, many times over for... for... Ackkk!!!!

Game over. Shameful how I handled myself too weak that night. Was it the chicharon? The shirt I was wearing? Was I so drunk that night? What has gotten into me?!

I accept defeat. I have to. I wanna learn from this. I don't want to choke next time. Which reminds me of the solo pep talk priors, before that night.

But I still want to see you again. I just want to see your smile. To speak to you is already too much to ask for. I have to see you again...



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