Monarch
I didn't cry today.
It isn't an achievement. In fact, I'm bothered with the idea that I didn't. I fear that my memory of you fades when I don't. I think of you alot though, but the intensity of what we all lost... I don't want it to simply fade away.
When I think about it, it's not the theoretical convos that I miss, nor the possible family trips that we'll have in the future that I'm sure we would've had. It's that word again - nangungulila. I miss having you around. I miss your infectious laughter, your larger-than-life kwentos, your gigil hits with baba and kikster and your dedication to your two giant boys, Jaims and Arch.
Oh, I had my second dose today. Got sermoned thrice for misplacing my vaccinate card. Not entirely my fault ha, it's been a hectic past couple of days, you know that. And our first batch of SP orders are complete na. I was happy I'm in a good mood because of your encouragement.
I'm happy we say a butterfly today just outside our kitchen window. My optimistic brain is almost certain that it's be you making paramdam.
And I'm drafting what I wanna say to Tito Carlo. I would have loved to read it to you complete before I drop that bomb of a digital letter. I'm sure you'll just shake your head but ultimately see that my intentions are in the right place as I forged the letter. I intend to finish it soon, tomorrow in fact.
I also bought fries for the kiddos in celebration of bakuna number 2. Wanted to emulate the things you do for our family.
I'm making a mindful effort in opening up as well. I didn't notice how wearing armor has weighted me down all these years na pala. Maybe that's it with Tito Carlo too. Him wearing that heavy load must've felt like a fully kitted medieval knight stuck in quicksand. This imagery gives me reason to reach out and give a helping hand.
I've never been cerebrally eloquent with any of you guys. I just feel my being this, awkward ba? Or it's too much explaining. Or I've lazied out to oversimplification. Latter feels the case.
In any case, this quiet moment in bed, this now moment, I'm grateful to be able to gather my thoughts about you and just some of the things I'd like to make kwento to you about.
I imagine Christ being jealous of how I'm writing you this, but me not really doing the same for Him. The abstraction factor plays a part in the human - God intimacy kasi eh. But Christ is in you and you are one body so, yeah hence the blending of Shawie + Christ as one addressed entity. The part that you were once man in Jesus' form... Sharon as representative of Your love to us.
I miss your fat arms! I look at the banyo here downstairs and wonder how it will survive being clean without a woman's touch! When the day proceeds as normal, it feels ever so slightly disjointed without you in it. As if I'm in a scifi movie where all of a sudden you disappeared and the world looks at me as if you never existed in the first place.
I'm happy Patty called out my eye's dark circles. I wore them proudly kanina. I like telling people that yeah I'd cry the hell out syempre because you're my sister.
But today, I barely shed a tear. I hope that it doesn't mean I've already overcome grief.
Oh, I had my second dose today. Got sermoned thrice for misplacing my vaccinate card. Not entirely my fault ha, it's been a hectic past couple of days, you know that. And our first batch of SP orders are complete na. I was happy I'm in a good mood because of your encouragement.
I'm happy we say a butterfly today just outside our kitchen window. My optimistic brain is almost certain that it's be you making paramdam.
And I'm drafting what I wanna say to Tito Carlo. I would have loved to read it to you complete before I drop that bomb of a digital letter. I'm sure you'll just shake your head but ultimately see that my intentions are in the right place as I forged the letter. I intend to finish it soon, tomorrow in fact.
I also bought fries for the kiddos in celebration of bakuna number 2. Wanted to emulate the things you do for our family.
I'm making a mindful effort in opening up as well. I didn't notice how wearing armor has weighted me down all these years na pala. Maybe that's it with Tito Carlo too. Him wearing that heavy load must've felt like a fully kitted medieval knight stuck in quicksand. This imagery gives me reason to reach out and give a helping hand.
I've never been cerebrally eloquent with any of you guys. I just feel my being this, awkward ba? Or it's too much explaining. Or I've lazied out to oversimplification. Latter feels the case.
In any case, this quiet moment in bed, this now moment, I'm grateful to be able to gather my thoughts about you and just some of the things I'd like to make kwento to you about.
I imagine Christ being jealous of how I'm writing you this, but me not really doing the same for Him. The abstraction factor plays a part in the human - God intimacy kasi eh. But Christ is in you and you are one body so, yeah hence the blending of Shawie + Christ as one addressed entity. The part that you were once man in Jesus' form... Sharon as representative of Your love to us.
I miss your fat arms! I look at the banyo here downstairs and wonder how it will survive being clean without a woman's touch! When the day proceeds as normal, it feels ever so slightly disjointed without you in it. As if I'm in a scifi movie where all of a sudden you disappeared and the world looks at me as if you never existed in the first place.
I'm happy Patty called out my eye's dark circles. I wore them proudly kanina. I like telling people that yeah I'd cry the hell out syempre because you're my sister.
But today, I barely shed a tear. I hope that it doesn't mean I've already overcome grief.
Comments