It's been awhile

Change. That's what.
Busy. Here, there. Work. Relationship.
I have a girlfriend now. I should be ecstatic. Right now, I'm wondering why not. It must be cause my insomnia is back and the sleep deprivation is making me cranky.

I'm just spread thinly now. Wondering if I'm where I should be. Wondering if I'll get there. Get to where anyway?

Where I type, I'm my small but comfy bed, is where most other guys would dream of being. With a beautiful girlfriend that loves me. A big ass tv. A ps4. Fast internet. Nice phone. 2 rare as fuck cars. Enough change in my pocket. No kids. No real responsibilities.

God damn I have it good right now don't I?

Yet I feel empty as fuck right now.

Why is that? I hear a faint, familiar knock on my heart. I recognize that sound. But am I too lazy to open it? I don't want to open because I know what it's all about. But seriously, I just don't wanna get up and face the complexity, the drama, the effort it represents and the what the calling requires.

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