July oh why

Like any other recurring july month, it comes year in year out. But not this upcoming one. This is the july that my ** leaves indefinitely for New York.

Its a string of bad news this day. She tells me that her cousin broke it off with her bf na. Post mortem: LDR. Her older brother treating her like shit all day. What a dumb fucker.

Fast forward: to my surprise, the above paragraphs were the last entries I have made and (2 months prior at least) and it is now indeed, July. The last day of this month.

As I type now, my hands are slightly twitching. Very tiny trembles that is indicative of me subconsciously suppressing the tremendous hurt I feel inside. My mind is trying to keep it together, trying to be strong, trying to find answers, trying to find a quick and permanent solution to what seems to be a permanent breakup.

A breakup? A week into the NY trip? Foul play is highly suspect. A 3rd party fvcker planting seeds in her mind which unfortunately flourished beautifully with ferocious growth and beauty. My breathing becomes deeper and forceful as I ponder about a shitload of things that brought us to this point.

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