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A prayer

Thank you Lord for not allowing me to have this. To not allow me to win this for winning's sake. This isn't where You want me to be and if it didn't work out before with whatever I've been seeking, then there still is hope now. Thank you for letting me hear good news today. That change really does happen and You do show Your mighty hand to those that truly follow You. Thank You for blessing them. I felt blessed listening to all of the good and real changes You've affected in their lives. I pray that I receive the same blessings too. My stubborn and callous heart I offer to you. Help me cut the ties that bind me to sin. The memories of heartache, pain, betrayal, inadequacy, aimlessness - Lord I offer them to You. Jim Carrey did say that depression is our avatar's way of saying they are tired of playing his role. I certainly am but I am not surrendering this to the enemy. I surrender my being to you Father, through Jesus' intercession. I am hopeful Lo...
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People's propensity to disappoint

Peoples propensity to dissappoint. To leave or walk away from someone doesn't always begin when they betray/cheat/lie to you, it may simply be set off by a string of minor dissappointments. You see, when someone continually let's you down for any reason, you tend to be disheartened with them. Case in point, someone offered me car parts that i wanted pretty badly, he offered that i could have them in under a week's time. Its been over 2 months and i still dont have the part. I understand why there is a delay but it doesn't mean im not overly irritated by the lengthy delay. I wouldnt transact with this person ever anymore either after this. Its similar to an allergic reaction. Once it's set off, you most likely wouldn't want to get afflicted by it again. And if like some people that are allergic to shellfish that couldn't resist shrimps or crab, insistence is a choice with post indulgence consequences.
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define love

Yeah I've known love for quite some time now. But as I experience it at this moment, it's far different from how I used to remember and aspire it to be. The love I remember feels high fantasy - euphoric, blissful, intoxicating.  This love I'm experiencing - is quiet, mature, not exciting at all. Painful even.  My stepdaughter is going through mental challenges right now. I am powerless to help her but I suspect I'm doing exactly what needs to be done at this moment. Be quietly beside her.  Now I've never been a parent. I've long moved on from the desire of being one. I was frightened - terrified of underperforming in a role my dad arguably fvcked up in. But here I am now. An awkward not-dad to an 18 year old woman-child. Can't quite hug the kid at the same time can't keep her in line without the cops kneeling on my neck.  Bonds weren't really made 2+ years since me and my partner got together. My "stepkid" was this odd 16 year old that had ...
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