The journey so far...

Remember the story we usually hear in seminars and retreats that tells us of  mountain climbers in mount everest? The one that tells us that there are lots of climbers that will take the trip to everest and end up in the "rest area" and not reaching the summit despite the challenges they have faced so far? Well, i'm at that exact resting camp right now and it feels... off.

Off in a sense that you've lost your purpose and although you've accomplished something already, (reaching that final stop-over before the summit) you kinda know that you just want to stay where you are and find solace that you've done more that most people would have dared to do. The feeling of weariness and contentment kicks in.

Which leads me to ponder, what's next? What's stopping me in pursuing my personal summit right now.

Firstly, there's an issue about focus. I'm such a short attention spanned fellow. I'm like an engine that cuts off way before I reach the red line. Despite the potential power this engine can achieve, it most often than not falls short of what is expected which leads the driver (and most passengers) puzzled on why that happens.

And then there's the lack of determination.

As well as the lack of motivation.

Oh, and I should add, a helluva distraction!

I have a strong connection with the character in the book - the alchemist - and i think i'm at the point where i just left the oasis to pursue the treasure and then, I just stop. I'm so close. Suddenly the treasure isn't so important at this point. The oasis seems like a nice place to be in. But I can't go back empty handed can I?

Which leads me to the question, why? Why does it always happen to me? Why do I always choose to stop when my journey is about to complete? It's so annoying it's like watching a movie with the big reveal just around the corner and I choose to stop watching it.

Is it a psycho condition? A Freudian flaw from childhood past? Analysis paralysis of some sort?

Argh, I need a damn smoke!